A.G. Henley, Author

Category: Reading

  • Time Suck: The Sequel

    This post goes under the category of Just For Fun, or alternately, Time Suck. I came across the Book: The Sequel: First lines from the classics of the future by Inventive Imposterswebsite for Book: The Sequel which was a project to create a book comprised of readers’ ideas for first lines of (unwritten) sequels to famous books. This may have been big in 2009 when it was being compiled, but it’s the first I’ve seen of it. I spent time reading through some of the hilarious submissions, and trying to come up with a few of my own. Below are some examples from the website, and you can go here to view more. How funny or clever they are depends on how familiar you are with the book being spoofed, but I picked a few that I liked:

    Big Sister was everywhere, and she was always on the phone.—from 1985 (sequel to 1984 by George Orwell)

    Where’s Papa going with that Ethernet cable?—from Charlotte’s Web Site (sequel to Charlotte’s Web by E.B. White)

    After all these years I spent becoming a wizard, you would think I would know a spell that would allow me to sleep all night without getting up every two hours to go to the bathroom. —From Harry Potter: Escape from Hogwarts Retirement Village (sequel to Harry Potter Series by J. K. Rowling) Submitted by Adam Coates

    In the late summer of that year, we started out with 5 sets of bicep curls and then moved on to weighted tricep dips.—from A Farewell to Flabby Arms (sequel to A Farewell to Arms by Ernest Hemingway)

    Rosy-fingered dawn my ass: I’ve got f-ing RSI and Mr. World-Traveler won’t get his ass off the couch to lend a hand around here. —From Penelope’s Pissed (sequel to The Odyssey by Homer) Submitted by Anonymous

    It is a truth universally acknowledged that a married woman in possession of a wealthy husband, must be in want of a divorce. —From Shame and Shamelessness (sequel to Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen) Submitted by Ben Heller

    We need a few more ribs.—from The Bible: For BBQ Lovers (sequel to The Bible by Unknown)

    At night, I would lie in bed under my net, dreaming of blood. —From The Secret Life of Mosquitos: A Vampire Thriller (sequel to The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd) Submitted by Annie Scott, Writer, New York City

    As it turned out, Rhett did give a damn. —From Back with the Breeze (sequel to Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell) Submitted by Shelby Sadler, Editor/Writer, Rockville, MD

    Three fish, four fish, here’s some more fish, black fish, gray fish, catfish, crayfish, this one’s got a big cigar, this one’s drinking in the bar, what very naughty fish they are. —From the sequel to One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish by Dr. Seuss Submitted by Carol Schneck, Bookseller, Okemos, MI

    “WUU2? NMH” Me Alex & 3 BFFS Jaden Caden & Trip mkg plans 2nite TTUL bro PAW. —From A Digital Orange (sequel to A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess) Submitted by Laura Martineau, Grant Writer, Connecticut

    One morning, as an intrusion of cockroaches awoke anxiously from a collective dream, it discovered that while sleeping it had been transformed into an identical mob of neurotic, banal, and ambition-less Eastern European males. —From Metamorphosis II: This Time, It’s Personal (sequel to The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka) Submitted by Angi Campbell, Writer, Washington

    Holden Caulfield, divorced and with custody of his son, wished his teenager would just do his homework and stop mouthing off to him. —From The Catcher In the Rye: Reality Bites (sequel to The Catcher in the Rye by J. D. Salinger) Submitted by Jeremy Wagner, Struggling Novelist, Waukegan, IL

    Now here are a couple I came up with:

    After, Peeta whispered, “So, it’s an integer that has no integral factor but itself and 1. Real or not real?” I tell him, “Real.” — from The Prime Number Games (sequel to The Hunger Games series by Suzanne Collins)

    When Edward grew a blood belly and Renesmee ran away from home thanks to being mocked for her ridiculous name, I started to rethink the whole immortality thing.
    — from Blue Moon (sequel to the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer)

    Okay, readers, here’s your chance to suck some time. Submit a first sentence for a non-existent sequel in the comments. Be sure to say what it’s the sequel of, and the author. Bonus points to anyone who comes up with one for The Scourge. Good luck!

  • Because I Said So: Wool by Hugh Howey

    This week’s post is a recommendation of a series of science-fiction short stories called Wool, by Hugh Howey. Wool Omnibus Edition (Wool 1 - 5)There’s an interesting backstory here. Howey, an Indie author, wrote the first of the Wool stories and offered it on Amazon one year ago. There was such a clamoring for the tale to continue that he wrote more, offering them in small, cheap, cliffhanging chunks, which people gobbled up like literate lemmings, propelling Wool into the top 100 overall in the Kindle store, and more recently into the NYT bestseller list. He eventually sold the first five stories together, the Wool Omnibus, which is what I read. Not surprisingly given the success he’s seen, Howey now has an agent and at least a UK publishing contract. And it’s all for good reason, because Wool is a solid story set in a very interesting world.

    If you have no idea what the story is about from the title, you’re not alone. It’s an obscure reference to the central conflict of the plot. In Wool 1, the first short story, Holston, the protagonist, is going out to “clean”. He must leave the safety of the half-buried silo where he and his people live to scrub the cameras (using bits of steel wool) that look out over the bleak, toxic world outside. And he can’t go back in. The community uses cleanings to get rid of people who either break the law, or go “crazy” and want to go outside, a taboo that is even forbidden to speak about. The catch: Holston chooses to go to cleaning, and he’s not crazy. Well, not very crazy. What he finds on the outside is surprising to say the least, and sets up the story to continue from there.

    Howey’s strength, IMO, is his simple, clear writing, and intricate world building. I can totally picture the silo in which the characters live, despite it being a very alien world. He doles out information only as necessary, which drew me slowly, but inevitably, into the story. I was fascinated by the psychology of a group of people almost obsessed with the ability to see outside, but unable to even speak about wanting to go outside. The paradox was striking.

    I did have a few gripes.**

    The different parts of Wool 1-5 focus on multiple characters, which gave a broad view of the different levels of the 100+ floor silo, and the people who, er, people them. I understood that authoring choice, but it threw me off a bit. I found myself growing attached to characters who then were no longer the focus. It reminded me of reading Justin Cronin’s The Passage. I never quite recovered from losing what I thought was the main character about 100 pages into what felt like an 8,000 page novel. (To be fair it was only 800 pages. Too long, in either case.)

    My other criticism, which might just be a personal reaction, was that I didn’t find Wool particularly compelling. I could put it down for a week at a time, then come back to it, without yearning for a few minutes of reading time so I could get a bit further. While it was well-written, had a great plot, and fully developed characters, somehow it didn’t = LOVE for me. Still, I recommend the Wool Omnibus without reserve. Do some Wool-gathering of your own, and let me know what you think.

    ** When I started this series of recommendations, I said I would not critique the books. But I can’t seem to help mentioning the one or two beefs I have with them. I’m sorry, but since this is my blog, I reserve the right to be capricious. If you don’t like it, you can send me out to clean.

  • Because I Said So: Daughter of the Forest by Juliet Marillier

    Daughter of the Forest
    Daughter of the Forest (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

    Many weeks ago I promised a recommendation of Daughter of the Forest by Juliet Marillier, the book that kept me up until 4 am and besmirched my boundaries. Refer to this post for more info about the dangers of besmirched boundaries.

    Daughter of the Forest, the first of the Sevenwaters Trilogy, was published way back in 2001. Son of Shadows and Child of the Prophecy followed in 2002 and 2003. All three novels are set in Ireland, are steeped in Celtic legend and mythology, and center around characters from the kingdom of Sevenwaters. I’d heard very good things about this trilogy, but I was almost put off by the cover art. It looked a little too epic fantasy to me, like it might be overrun with dragons and elves. I’m so glad I tried it anyway. No dragons in sight.

    Sorcha, the protagonist of Daughter of the Forest, has six older brothers. Her mother is dead, and her father is absent in his grief and incessant warring. Marillier bases the plot on the fable of the Six Swans, but she paints a world so rich and vivid that the fairy tale underpinnings effortlessly fade to the background. The settings are so real they suck you into the page and convince you that you, too, have never felt a hot shower before. The level of detail reminds me of Diana Gabaldon’s 18th-century Scotland in the Outlander series (one of my favorites.)

    I fell in love with Sorcha and each of her six loyal brothers, not to mention their swoon-worthy British enemies, Simon and Red. They are all very distinct in temperament and taste—not an easy task to accomplish as an author, let me assure you. The protagonist of Son of Shadows, Liadan, was an even stronger female lead than Sorcha in many ways, and the male protagonist Bran was, well, sublime. The writing in both novels is gorgeous. Sentences beg to be read and re-read, like holding gelato in your mouth until your taste buds freeze in order to savor every last bit.

    I read Daughter of the Forest and then Son of Shadows in the same week, and loved each of the many hours that I spent with Sorcha and Liadan. Go, read them, and besmirch your own boundaries. You won’t regret it.

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  • Boundary issues

    Pencil, colour chalk on grey paper, heightened...

    I have a confession to make. I have a boundary problem.

    Boundaries are important to psychologists. Good boundaries allow us to have healthy relationships, to be able to say “no” to new responsibilities when our plates are full (or to say “no” to seconds when our plates are empty for that matter), and to be able to support clients through terrible experiences without being overwhelmed ourselves. Boundaries tell us where we end and someone else starts. They allow us to make good decisions for ourselves.

    So I was disturbed the other night when I realized I have terrible boundaries in one area of my life. (more…)

  • Shock-puppet: Is it ethical for friends and family to post reviews without disclosing they know the author?

    I’ve been following a perplexing thread on Amazon’s Kindle boards. Some of the posters in this thread believe authors degrade the utility and integrity of the Amazon review system by asking their family and friends (AKA sock-puppets) to post reviews (AKA shills) of their novels without disclosing that they are a friend or fam somewhere in the review. Click here if you’d like to read the 75+ pages of comments. No? Then I’ll summarize.

    Basically, these readers feel that eventually reviews will mean nothing because so many authors are engaging in the sock-puppetry behavior described above, along with other unethical practices. As they point out, most friends/family won’t risk their personal relationship with the author by telling the world in their review that the novel sucked more than a hungry newborn. And unless a customer is told the reviewer is a sock-puppet, they might blithely believe every glowing, hyperbolic word. (more…)

  • Because I Said So: Angelfall by Susan Ee

    Being an Indie author myself, I’m working on finding and reading other Indie novels that I can wholeheartedly recommend. This is one of those novels. Angelfall is the first in Indie author Susan Ee’s Penryn and the End of Days YA series. And wow, it packs an angelic punch. Ee borrowed her angel lore from the Book of Enoch, found with the Dead Sea Scrolls. These are no soft, feathery angels watching over us from the corners of greeting cards. They are the angels of the Apocalypse, wielding wicked swords and out to kick our sinful human butts.

    (more…)